folie à deux

i know i am all dysfunction,

but that's all i know, that's all i've seen and heard.

this morning i was so full of love,

my chest hurt as i kissed his cheek and ear 

as he slept on my bed peaceful as anything

and here i am, merely hours later,

anticipating rejection, 

eventual and inevitable, coming either days or weeks or months who knows, but regardless true in its certainty

and readying myself for it, 

bracing myself that i will be fine

that he means little

that this means little

it was a phase

a small blip of something in a sea of nothingness that is my heart

.

혼자여도 괜찮아.

이제껏 이렇게 오랫동안 혼자 잘만 살아 왔잖아.

그애가 없는 연습 해야지.

곧 언제 날 떠나갈 지 모르는데.

자꾸 연습해야지, 다시 혼자 될.

사랑은 무슨,

영원한 사랑은 더더욱 무슨.

미래는 또 무슨.

다 헛것.

what if my love keeps growing

and his love was at its peak to start with - and at best it can only plateau, and if not, it can only diminish from here?