folie à deux

i really want to listen to this,

over and over and over again.

"

Turn down the lights;
Turn down the bed.
Turn down these voices
Inside my head.

Lay down with me;
Tell me no lies.
Just hold me close;
Don't patronize.

Don't patronize me.


'Cuz I can't make you love me
If you don't.
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't.
Here in the dark
In these final hours,
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power;
But you won't.
No, you won't.
'Cuz I can't make you love me
If you don't.

I'll close my eyes,
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me.

Morning will come,
And I'll do what's right;
Just give me till then
To give up this fight.

And I will give up this fight.

'가모가와 식당'

느릿 느릿 시작했지만 슬렁 슬렁 읽고 있다.

오늘, 마음에 콕 박힌 한 구절 -

'무서웠어요. 너무 갑자기 찾아온 행복이 무서웠어요'

나도 그런것같다.

그래서 더 노부코여사처럼, 뛰쳐나오고 싶은건지도.

i wish i could love, without thinking.

i wish i could give as much love as i have inside, without worrying about getting same amount of love back.

i wish he could just love me fully and without worry or anxiety

despite my anxieties and volatility.

i knew i always had a borderline side

but it's damn clear now that i am in this

i keep splitting

loving then loathing the love

i am fickle like the weather 

sunny and 30 degrees one day,

raining and 17 the next.