wonder how it feels to be a functional, wholesome being.

i know i am all dysfunction,

but that's all i know, that's all i've seen and heard.

this morning i was so full of love,

my chest hurt as i kissed his cheek and ear 

as he slept on my bed peaceful as anything

and here i am, merely hours later,

anticipating rejection, 

eventual and inevitable, coming either days or weeks or months who knows, but regardless true in its certainty

and readying myself for it, 

bracing myself that i will be fine

that he means little

that this means little

it was a phase

a small blip of something in a sea of nothingness that is my heart

.