folie à deux

unmet expectations or wants,

mild resentments arising out of the pettiest things,

so banal,

cooling of the warmth i had felt for him,

kisses unreciprocated,

no little gestures of affection,

no kiss goodbye,

not even a hand squeeze,

no loving words of text

just silence,

letting miscommunication just expand and proliferate

is that how it goes

not with a bang,

just a nothing.

it's that classic dilemma, as corny and clichéd as it sounds,

whether to follow my head - which says, say goodbye, wait for someone more mature, ready for marriage and family 

or to follow my heart - to enjoy this love as it is in this moment, not thinking about the state of my ova, or our massive age difference.

and here i am, just delaying that decision making, til i absolutely have to make it, til it is forced on me.

is that choosing the heart option by default?

for now, i suppose it has to be that way.

if tomorrow, a much more ideal man were to show up in my life, and to love me, and that i were able to love him back,

why yes i would choose him.

but, will that ever happen?

films i've seen (that opened in) 2016

sing street

a bigger splash

captain america: civil war

bridget jones's baby

the hateful eight

the big short

money monster

spotlight

love & friendship

anomalisa

a bride for rip van winkle

well looks like it started off kinda great then kinda went nowhere.

i was maybe far too lazy, and didn't make the effort to see the actually well made films i don't know

surely this is not all of them?

i did love anomalisa, spotlight, but the rest...

this is probably a reminder, 

that i need to become better at film going.