unmet expectations or wants,


mild resentments arising out of the pettiest things,


so banal,




cooling of the warmth i had felt for him,


kisses unreciprocated,


no little gestures of affection,


no kiss goodbye,


not even a hand squeeze,


no loving words of text


just silence,


letting miscommunication just expand and proliferate




is that how it goes


not with a bang,


just a nothing.






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it's that classic dilemma, as corny and clichéd as it sounds,

whether to follow my head - which says, say goodbye, wait for someone more mature, ready for marriage and family 

or to follow my heart - to enjoy this love as it is in this moment, not thinking about the state of my ova, or our massive age difference.



and here i am, just delaying that decision making, til i absolutely have to make it, til it is forced on me.

is that choosing the heart option by default?

for now, i suppose it has to be that way.




if tomorrow, a much more ideal man were to show up in my life, and to love me, and that i were able to love him back,

why yes i would choose him.

but, will that ever happen?


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films i've seen (that opened in) 2016



sing street

a bigger splash

captain america: civil war

bridget jones's baby

the hateful eight

the big short

money monster

spotlight

love & friendship

anomalisa

a bride for rip van winkle





well looks like it started off kinda great then kinda went nowhere.

i was maybe far too lazy, and didn't make the effort to see the actually well made films i don't know


surely this is not all of them?


i did love anomalisa, spotlight, but the rest...



this is probably a reminder, 

that i need to become better at film going.



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